It was a Saturday in 1979. Where I was, I had no business being. I was lying under one of our cars trying to replace a freeze plug that was leaking in the engine. I say I had no business being there because I knew nothing about repairing cars and had a bare minimum of tools to even attempt. I was attempting to repair it because we didn’t have any money to pay a mechanic to do it. We were living on one modest income and had two daughters – one 21 months and the other one just a month. Money was tighter than a pair of skinny jeans.
My neighbor who had diagnosed the problem (accurately I might add) had told me it would be an easy repair, even for someone with no knowledge. Just take a flat head screwdriver, pop out the leaking plug, put in the new one, and drive it happily ever after. What he nor I knew at that moment was that the plug had rusted to the engine block making it a much more difficult repair.
As I lay under the car my frustration level continued to mount. It intensified because this was not the first time I had tried to repair it. As I lay there, I began to have a huge pity party with God the only invited guest. I wanted to make sure He was aware of how frustrated I was. I recounted all the sacrifices Lynne and I had made for Him in our brief marriage and ministry.
As my frustrations mounted, I did something I am ashamed to admit. I looked toward heaven and said out loud, “God, if You are who You say You are, then why don’t You do what You have said You will do?” Instead of feeling relieved by my outburst, I felt shame. How could I accuse God of failing to provide for us – of falling down on the job. God had been so good and faithful to Lynne and me the first five years of our marriage. In deep sorrow I bowed my head and asked God to forgive me. At that very moment I felt the arms of God wrap around me and hold me tight. Peace settled in my spirit. Not only was God assuring me of my forgiveness, He was reassuring me that He would take care of us – which He did then and has continued to do all these years.
As I reflect on that experience 45 years later, I realize the mistake I made that day was building my frustrations with God on a foundation of an incomplete – actually, maybe even erroneous – understanding of the nature and character of God. I knew that God is loving and good. I knew that the fact that He is loving and good did not mean that there would be no difficulties and hardships in our lives. The error in my understanding of the nature of God’s love and goodness was in thinking that God relates to His children on the basis of quid pro quo.
Quid pro quo is Latin for “something for something.” It is used to describe a situation where a favor or good deed is done by one person for another person with the expectation that a favor or good deed will be done for them in return.
How did that erroneous viewpoint play into my thoughts and understanding about God’s love and goodness that day? As I lay there I began to list all the things I (we) had done for God, especially at the point of sacrificial giving in support of our local church. The tone and strong implication in my outburst was that since we’d done all that for Him, He owed us by doing good for us in return (specifically for providing a way for our car to be repaired).
What lessons can be gleaned from my experience lying on my driveway?
- It is essential that we work diligently to understand correctly the various attributes of God’s nature and character. Incomplete or erroneous thinking about God’s nature and character have been the source of much heartache and disappointment with God.
- It is essential that we work diligently to understand correctly how God incorporates these attributes into His relationships with individuals and with the world.
- It is essential that through faith in the nature and character of God, we trust the sovereignty of God. God’s sovereignty means that because God created the world and us, because He has the power and knowledge to accomplish anything His heart wills, and because no one can put any limitations on Him, He is Lord over everything. To trust His sovereignty means that we trust Him to deploy His sovereignty to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.
An individual in scripture whose life testified to surrender in trust to the sovereignty of God was the prophet Habakkuk. Habakkuk describes that trust and surrender in Habakkuk 3:17-19, “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.”
A life such as that is worthy of our earnest pursuit.
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