Americans have fought and died for what our Declaration of Independence describes as three inalienable rights–life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. By inalienable we mean that these rights cannot be taken away from us nor can we ourselves give them away. Why? Because each is a natural right built into us at conception. In other words they are God-given. What is interesting to observe is the subtle elevation in the last decade or so of another element of life to the status of inalienable.
I call this new inalienable right the right never to be offended. To put it in dictionary type terms, it is as if many Americans today feel they have the right never to be annoyed or provoked to resentment due to a perceived insult or perceived disrespect from another. The operative word in that sentence is “perceived.”
Though I did not see the Golden Globes awards show on January 5, 2020, I have read about the criticism which the show’s host, comedian Ricky Gervais, received due to the jokes he told that night. What interested me in the account which I read was the comment Ricky Gervais made on Twitter in response to the offense taken at his jokes. He said, “Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right.” That’s an interesting insight in response to the offense police roaming around in what one person calls “our perpetually offended culture.” We live in a day where the quick conclusion many reach when they feel offended is that the perceived offender is automatically wrong, and therefore should feel obligated to change if he/she wants to be considered among those who are sensitive to the feelings of others.
Let’s face it. To insist on an offense-free life is a pipe dream. The only ways to avoid being offended are: (1) to avoid people altogether – i.e., either by living on a totally deserted island or dwelling in a sound and sight-proof bubble of some kind, or (2) having no standards, values, or feelings to offend. Reality is that from the first moment that we engage people at the beginning of each day until we cease interaction with them at the end of the day, the prospect of offense is a given.
That being the case, how can we deal with our moments of perceived offense in such a way as to promote emotional health and healthy personal relationships? Let’s let the Bible’s wisdom help us.
- When possible, treat the offense with ig-nor’-ance. The ability to ignore offense reflects emotional strength and maturity.
- Proverbs 12:16 (NIV) – “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”
- Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) – “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”
- When anger is involved, don’t let the anger fester and simmer. Deal with it ASAP and with grace.
- Ephesians 4:26,28 (NIV) – “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold…Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.”
- Don’t escalate the offense by engaging in tit-for-tat.
- 1 Peter 3:9 (NIV) – “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
- Another way of expressing this truth is the way a friend of mine counsels: “Never wrestle with a pig. You both get muddy, and the pig loves it.”
To sum up the Bible’s wisdom in dealing with offense, don’t get offensive or defensive.
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