One of my companions in life, especially during my 41 years of ministry, has been grief. Some grief I’ve experienced up close and personal, while much of it I’ve encountered while walking with individuals and families through a loss in their lives. Grief is the emotional coping mechanism God has built within us to help deal with loss of anything important to us.
The importance of grieving well cannot be overstated. If grief wins through denial, delay, or distortion of our emotions, we can pay a heavy price. I want to share several insights that I’ve gleaned about grief that I pray will help you in a time of loss.
- Grief is the price we pay for loving. That being the case, the greater our love, the deeper our grief. The only way to avoid grief is never to love someone or something. But who would ever make that choice? Grief is God’s way of helping us acknowledge, deal with, and work through both our love and our loss.
- Grief is hard work. Grief is hard work because it requires much mental, emotional, and physical perseverance. It’s hard work because it involves choosing our emotions, because progress through it is inconsistent, and because there are no easy answers. It’s also hard work because it is just so daily – especially in the first year. I see two main contributors to that reality:
- Emotional ambushes – those sudden floods of emotion which come over us when out of the clear blue something reminds us of our loved one and knocks us to the ground emotionally. When that happens we face a choice. We can stay on the ground and wallow in our sorrow, or we can pick ourselves up and move forward. Picking ourselves up is hard work, but it is necessary.
- The Year of Firsts – those first family birthdays and anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. without our loved one.
I’ve learned an important truth about grief being so daily. We don’t eliminate nor minimize emotional ambushes and the challenges that come with the Year of Firsts by trying to avoid them. Those who succeed best in handling their grief in a healthy manner are those who continue to do life even when it hurts, even when the tears flow, and even when speaking about the loved one is a struggle.
- It is God’s intention that we make it through the valley of our grief. Psalm 23:4a, says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death….” It’s not God’s intention that we camp out in the valley. That would be a lack of faith in God’s ability to enable us to do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). It’s not God’s intention that we run through the valley by denying the reality of our grief – by claiming it’s no big deal – by trying to ignore it. It’s God’s intention that we walk through the valley of the shadow of death at a pace which enables us to experience genuine emotional healing.
How do we walk through the valley of grief and emerge on the other end whole and emotionally healthy? We do it by grieving as those who have hope (“…that you may not grieve as do the rest who have no hope.”1 Thessalonians 4:13 NASB). To grieve with hope means we grieve as those who have confident assurance that though death wins round one, death will never be crowned the ultimate champion because of eternal life that is available through Jesus Christ.
CONCLUSION: When grief comes knocking at your door, remember this standing invitation from Jesus found in Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB): “Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My yoke is light.”
But remember, don’t get into a yoke by yourself. Yoke up with Jesus, for grief’s sake.
Recent Comments